Nothing makes sense anymore. Not one damn thing. We have gone from loving and supporting our neighbors to literally fearing to be around them. We have gone from being a nation of diversity to a nation divided. “United we stand divided we fall,” has never been more prevalent than it is right now. There has been so much information, so much confusion, so much uncertainty, and so much blame that my head is spinning, literally spinning. Sometimes I don’t know who to believe or not, what to defend or not, if I’m making the right decisions or not. My head feels like it is going to explode and fall off.
I had a breakdown last night. The first one since probably end of March when I realized that life wasn’t going to be the same for a LONG time…a VERY LONG time. I kept telling my husband that I have no more f*cks to give. I’m literally out. If it’s not one things, it’s another. Just when I feel I have figured something out, or made a decision I’m comfortable living with, life throws 50 other things my way. I feel like I’m drowning and I can’t breathe most nights. I feel like I am failing as a parent, wife, sister, daughter, friend…basically as a human.
Here is the funny thing….I KNOW I am doing what is right by my kids. I know that Vince and I are making the right decisions by our family. But I second guess myself because I’m tired. I’m tired of making decisions I shouldn’t have to make. I’m tired of having to explain to my small kids WHY life has to be this way right now. I’m tired of feeling like a terrible mom and wife because all I feel I do is yell. (Yes, I know that I could just “not yell,” but that’s easier said than done when life is so crazy right now.) I’m tired of being told what to do and how to do it…last I remember, I am a grown ass adult who lives in AMERICA, I can make my own decisions…you know…free will.
And I know that we ALL feel this way lately. We are all tired of something one way or another. Whether it’s feeling annoyed because we all don’t think alike (which is actually a good thing), or tired of the constant changing and constant bad news…we are ALL tired.
Please know you are not alone. One way or another, we are ALL on the same shitty ride. Our ride may look different that somebody else’s ride, but we are all suffering through so much crap. And please remember…try and be kind. Just because somebody may not think or feel the same way you do about something, doesn’t mean they are a bad person or that they owe you some sort of explanation. Please remember that we DO live in America, where we all can make our own choices and decisions, and we don’t always have to agree on what they are. What is right for one person is not always right for another.
Remember…we are the LAND OF THE FREE BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE!